


Scared of Pretty Girls, and Starting Conversations

by nerdyscully (dalecooperscoffee)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Human, Multi, idk man this fic is weird, idk this is a mess, pearl-centric mostly, there will probably be more added on, there's a lot of relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-04-17 04:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4652286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dalecooperscoffee/pseuds/nerdyscully
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl is a ballet dancer and constantly overworking herself to get away from her thoughts. She lives with Amethyst and things are rocky. Everything's sort of messy, but life isn't stopping for anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> okay truthfully i'm not quite sure where this will go? i'm just puttin it out there haha. this is mostly pearl-centric but i'll try to focus on all the others too! she's kind of an emotional wreck in this fic but...i don't think that's much different from canon pearl.
> 
> anyway i hope yall enjoy!

Pearl steps into the soapy, scalding bath water and sinks down, letting herself be submerged. She almost hisses at how hot it is, but the stinging pain feels so good. She's been on her feet all day, a long shift at work, then a dance class, then a particularly demanding rehearsal, then home. Never mind the fact she had only had an apple for breakfast and a small salad for lunch. She pushes the ache blossoming in her stomach out of her mind - if she gains too much weight, she won't look right for next week's opening. She closes her eyes and tries to close her mind, but that lasts about five minutes, because Amethyst is knocking on the door.

“Heya, P, you in there?”

“Yes, Amethyst, I'm in the tub.”

“Okay. Want Chinese for dinner?”

“Do we have the money for it?”

“I'll cover it,” her roommate replies, in typical flippant fashion. Pearl doesn't have the energy to argue.

“Fine.” She stays in the bath for a little while longer, but she feels too restless now, so she picks herself up out of the now lukewarm water and drains the tub, toweling off and throwing on a robe. As she dresses in her pajamas, she can smell Chinese food wafting through the apartment. Her stomach pangs again.

“Food's here,” Amethyst calls, and Pearl pads to the kitchen, placing a minimal amount of food on her plate.

“Y'okay, Pearl? Sick?” Amethyst asks when her roommate only nibbles on her food.

“I'm fine,” she pushes her broccoli beef around on her plate rather than eating it. “How was work?”

Amethyst shrugs. Working in a knick knack store by the beach isn't what she wants to do; until she figures out what it is that she does want, she'll settle for it. “A few people have been laid off, so....”

“Well, I hope you aren't.”

“Yeah, but if I do get fired Vidalia says she can get me a job at her place. Oh! Speaking of Vidalia, I invited her and a few friends over for dinner tomorrow.”

“Do we have the supplies to _make_ dinner tomorrow?” Pearl asks.

“If we don't, you can pick some stuff up, right?”

“Can  _you_ ? I have things to do tomorrow.” Amethyst sees how on-edge Pearl is and backs off. 

“Fine, fine. Sorry.”

There's a pause. “Who else is she bringing with her?” Pearl asks.

“Greg Universe and Rose...Quartz I think? You met Greg once, you went to his concert.”

“Yes, I did.” she rolls her eyes - he really wasn't that good, in her opinion.

“Yeah, and I guess Rose is his girlfriend or something. I've met her once before, she's nice!”

“I'm sure she is,” Pearl rises from her seat. Amethyst looks down at her plate, then into her friend's eyes.

“Are you _sure_ you're okay? You're not eating...”

Pearl doesn't meet her eyes as she repeats, “I'm fine. You can have my food. I just don't feel too well.”

“Sorry, P.”

“It's fine. Goodnight.”

“'Night.”

* * *

 

She closes her door and throws open the window so she can hear the distant sounds of the ocean as she falls asleep. She feels so uncomfortable and unsure of what has become of her and Amethyst. They were best friends in college, and decided to get a tiny house together after graduation, which was two years ago. But for awhile now, their breakfasts and dinners have been full of heavy silences and small talk that they've never had to rely on before. When she hears Amethyst talk with Vidalia or Greg, she hears a lot of what they used to be - the easiness, the laughter. It's been so long since it was like that between them.

She burrows herself under the covers and hopes for enough sleep tonight.

* * *

 

“I like your glasses,” a girl says. Pearl looks up from her phone. They're in the dressing room after rehearsal for _Ondine_ and Lapis, the girl playing the titular water nymph, is smiling shyly at her. “I didn't know you wore them.”

“Oh! Well, I usually wear contacts but I just didn't today. You dyed your hair.”

Lapis plays with a strand of her short hair, nearly scowling at it. “Nah, just got rid of the blue. Director made me. I guess an Ondine with blue hair would've been weird.”

“Well I think you look pretty with either hair color,” Pearl shrugs and a small amount of pink tinges her cheeks. She's internally chastising herself for sounding so awkward. She's never really talked to Lapis like this before, even after eight weeks of rehearsal. Their conversations usually relate to the show, or what move to do when, or where to stand onstage. There's the occasional small talk, but even this is close for them.

Lapis smiles. “Thank you, you're sweet. Do you wanna grab dinner, or go down to the beach or something? Sorry, I know it's random, I just...would really like to get to know you better.”

Pearl frowns, remembering the little dinner date Amethyst had set up. “Sorry, I have something going on tonight.”

“Oh, sorry,” the raven-haired girl mumbles, pulling off her pointe shoes and replacing them with sandals. Pearl sees that she looks a bit defeated.

“But I would still love to. Tomorrow, after rehearsal?” Now a smile softens Lapis' face.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

Pearl throws on a jacket and smiles at Lapis, giving her a little wave as she leaves.

* * *

 

Amethyst is home when Pearl returns. “Hey, P, how was rehearsal?”

“Oh, it was alright. How was work?”

“They let me go.” the shorter woman says, and Pearl notices she hasn't made eye contact with her since she came in the door.

She feels a wave of sympathy for Amethyst. “I'm sorry. Are you okay?”

“I thought you'd be mad,” she says quietly.

“Why would I be mad?”

“I dunno, 'cause we don't have a lot of money and I need to work harder and this just makes things worse for us and -”

Pearl crosses her arms. “You think I care about how much money you make?”

“I dunno,” she repeats. “I just...thought you'd be mad that I messed up again.”

“I don't know why you think of me as always mad.”

“Because sometimes you are.”

The taller woman closes her eyes and tightens her lips. “I'm trying, Amethyst.”

“So am _I!_ I try, too, really hard, in fact! But you refuse to see that!” she storms out of the room, yelling behind her shoulder, “You can put the rest of the groceries away!”

Pearl scowls, but unloads the groceries anyway. “You're cooking dinner, it's your friends that are coming over.” she yells back at her housemate.

“Fine, whatever.” Amethyst groans. Pearl steps into the shower - she smells like coffee from her shift at a cafe. She hears chatter in the kitchen as she's toweling herself off. She wraps herself in a robe, quickly pat-drying her strawberry blonde hair, wondering if she can get across the house to her room in just a robe without anyone noticing.

She steps out of the bathroom, and before she can even make a step in the direction of her room, Amethyst says, “Hey Pearl, they're here!” She glances at the group of friends around their kitchen table, and then she sees her.

Sitting next to Greg, wearing a Mr. Universe shirt over a polka-dot dress, is possibly the prettiest girl Pearl's ever seen. She has thick, curly hair that's been dyed pink, and she's laughing at something someone's said. Her eyes are practically twinkling. Pearl's stomach is fluttering and flipping and the lump in her throat is too thick to swallow so she can speak. “I, uh, er, I have to...get dressed. Give me a minute.” she says hurriedly, realizing she's in only a robe, her hair stringy and wet.

She hears Vidalia chuckle and make a comment about “classic Pearl” and they all laugh. Meanwhile, Pearl is pacing around her room, forgetting where everything is. She throws on a loose sundress and brushes her hair, then nervously stepped back into the kitchen. “Sorry about that.” she says, seeing that Amethyst ordered pizza. She tries not to sigh; at least there's salad, too.

Vidalia nudges her. “It's fine, Pearl. Amethyst has seen me in less.” The two friends crack up. Greg just looks slightly uncomfortable.

“Oh, this is Rose,” Amethyst says, gesturing to the gorgeous woman with pink hair.

“Hello,” she says, and her smooth, rich voice makes Pearl want to melt. “You must be Pearl. I've heard a lot about you.”

“R-really?” Pearl stammers.

“Yes! Amethyst has already told me all about you. I was excited to meet you.” she smiles again, that smile that makes her knees wobble. “That's a lovely dress!” Pearl hopes that whatever Amethyst and Vidalia are chuckling about isn't the emerging blush on her cheeks.

The rest of the dinner goes fine, Greg and Vidalia and Amethyst slipping into easy, friendly conversation and joking. Rose giggles when appropriate and occasionally receives small affections from Greg - pecks on the cheeks or lips and she leans into him when he puts his arm around her. Pearl spends most of the time examining her salad that she's barely eaten. “Are you okay, Pearl? Sick?” Rose asks.

“Nah, she just doesn't like food,” Amethyst replies. Pearl shoots her a look that's dangerously close to a glare.

Soon after that, the trio leaves. “It was so nice to meet you, Pearl. We should meet up soon?”

“Yes,” she replies, though she knows they'll probably barely see each other, Rose's dark, shiny eyes make her say yes. Once they're gone, Amethyst immediately says, “I'll clean up.”

“I can help...” Pearl says, attempting to break some of the tension.

“You...look really tired, P. Why don't you turn in for the night.”

She opens her mouth to protest, but realizes Amethyst would rather not listen to her right now. So she simply nods and leaves, a deep pain settling in her stomach.

 


	2. chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i know it took me awhile with chapter two. it's very short, unfortunately. honestly, i'm not too satisfied with it but i've worked and worked on it and this is the best i got right now. i apologize if the story seems too rushed, i'm kind of worried about that. anyway,,,i hope you enjoy?

“So what do you do? Besides dancing, y'know,” Lapis asks as they drive along in her tiny, old car.

“I work in the mall, at the cafe in the bookstore.” Pearl replies, staring out the window at the sky that is tinged a beautiful pink. “And...I used to play the violin.”

“Used to?”

“Haven't really found a time or reason for it nowadays. I'm either working or dancing, or keeping things together at home.”

“You live alone?” she asks.

Pearl shakes her head. “No. I live with a roommate...her name's Amethyst.” She realizes she hasn't said “my friend Amethyst” like usual--but it hasn't really been like usual lately.

“Oh? You guys get along?”

“Yes,” she lies. She guesses it's not really a lie. They used to. “What do you do?”

Lapis shrugs. “I live with my friend Peridot and she does tech stuff. I haven't had a job for awhile.”

“I've never seen you until this show. Did you just move? Where are you from?”

“New York,” she says, then pulls up to the beach. “Wanna stop here?”

“Sure,” she steps out of the car and into the salty air of the ocean. They sit on a rock wall and Pearl can't help but look at Lapis, who seems completely captivated by the pulse of the ocean. She's caught looking, though, and Lapis smiles a little.

“Whatcha looking at?”

“Sorry,” Pearl blushes, awkwardly running her hands through her hair. Lapis grabs one of her hands and threads her fingers in-between Pearl's. “S-sorry,” she repeats, smiling shakily.

“It's fine,” Lapis replies, and they're getting closer and her lips are on hers, but she pulls away quickly.

“Lapis, wh-why?”

“I'm sorry, I just...wanted to do this for a long time,” she admits, and Pearl decides she can't complain, Lapis is beautiful and intriguing and highly kissable, so she leans in again. But as soon as their lips meet, her mind races again. She's never kissed a girl before--this feels so good, but so, _so_ scary. All of her senses are amplified, everything is so overwhelming, the strong smell of Lapis's shampoo and the sound of the ocean is so loud and she feels like she's going to pass out--she's such a baby, she can't even handle one little kiss, and all of a sudden she just shuts down and stops moving and Lapis pulls away and looks at her strangely. She wants to burst into tears, but she doesn't know why. And the fact that she doesn't know why makes her want to cry more. “Are you okay?”

“I...need to go home...I have something....important to do...” she tries to control herself, but her breaths are obviously shaky, and her eyes are tearing up.

“Okay,” Lapis replies hesitantly. She helps her off the wall and they walk in heavy silence to the car. She tries to make conversation in the car. “What's New York like?”

“Um...big. And overrated.” she says and turns up the radio. The silence that they share is identical to what she shares with Amethyst every day. The only time they speak is when she drops her off at the dance studio so Pearl can get her car.

“I'm really sorry, Lapis, I didn't mean to-”

“Listen, it's fine. I just need to...sort some stuff out.”

“I'm so sorry,” she apologizes again - she's always apologizing.

“Pearl, just...it's fine. See you.”

* * *

 

As soon as she gets home, she sinks down onto the couch and starts to sob. She hasn't actually cried in quite awhile; when she feels the tears prick her eyes, she usually tries to push them down. Today, though, they come without warning and she can't fight them. She doesn't even know what's upsetting her so much - she just feels so pathetic and small and why can't she just be _better?_ She lies down and tries to stop crying, but the tears continue to come. The door opens and Amethyst comes in, sighing deeply and taking her hair out of a tight bun. “You okay?” she asks, the first words they've exchanged all day--Amethyst was leaving just as Pearl was making breakfast in the morning. 

“I'm fine.”

“You don't look fine.”

“Don't worry about me.”

“Yeah, well, I do,” Amethyst retorts. “And don't tell me not to.”

She lies back down on the couch and lets herself curl up and bury her face in a pillow. She feels herself dozing off and is a little surprised - she didn't feel tired, she felt exactly the opposite when she came home. But now, sleep sounds heavenly, and she chooses to give into the temptation. The last sounds she hears is the clink of Amethyst putting away dishes and the bubbling of boiling water.

* * *

 

When she wakes up, she feels groggy and disoriented. She has no idea how long she's been asleep, and she can feel how puffy her eyes are from crying. On the coffee table is a mug and a note.

_P--_

_I made you some tea. If it's cold when you wake up just pop in it the microwave._

_I'm sorry you don't feel well._

_I'm here if you need me._

_\--Amethyst_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally this chapter is so sappy i'm sorry the next will be a LOT better! hopefully ha. thanks for reading! xo


	3. chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I KNOW IT'S BEEN AWHILE. school started up again and i myself am in a musical so my schedule is a little all over the place! but i will def try to update more! anyway here's a cheesy chapter

Every part of Pearl's body aches - one of the perks of being a dancer. Staying on her feet all shift isn't ideal, but it's what she has to do. It's a slow day; Pearl catches her hardass manager playing on her phone, something she's yelled at coworkers for before. Pearl rolls her eyes.

The bell jangles, signaling a customer coming in. She stops slumping across the counter and straightens herself up, but when she sees the customer is a familiar woman with curly, bubblegum hair, she practically stumbles backwards. “Pearl!” that sweet, smooth voice exclaims.

“Hello, Rose,” she replies, suddenly shy.

“I didn't know you worked here!”

“Well, I do,” she nervously rubs the back of her neck.

Rose smiles. “I better start coming here more often then! How are you doing?”

“I'm alright, I guess.”

“You guess? Is everything okay?”

She waves a hand in dismissal. “Oh, I'm just tired.”

Rose's brow furrows. “I'm sorry. You look like you've been working hard. Amethyst told me you're a dancer?”

“Yes, I do ballet.”

Her eyes light up and she clasps her hands together excitedly. God, she is _adorable._ Pearl has to keep herself from turning into a blushing, sighing mess. “Ballet is beautiful! I'd love to see you perform sometime! I-I mean, if you don't mind!”

“Well, we open a show in about five days...” she says shyly, “There are fliers on the bulletin board over there with info, if you'd like to come.”

“Yes, of course!” Another customer comes in and begins a line behind Rose. “Oh, I guess I shouldn't hold up the line.” She orders a large iced coffee and while Pearl is preparing it, finds the flier and takes a picture of the dates on her phone. “I don't know if I'll be able to get Greg to come,” she says as Pearl hands her the coffee, “He probably thinks it's boring. What does he know, right?” she says it in a joking tone, but Pearl is a bit too serious when she thinks, _Not much._ “You can count on me coming, though!”

“I'm glad I can. Have a good day, Rose.” she says, breaking out into a genuine smile for the first time today.

“You, too, Pearl! See you soon!”

She messes up calculating the next customer--a middle-aged woman with her phone pressed up to one ear, talking to someone and ordering at the same time. She gets a few annoyed sighs but it barely matters. Rose's smile is still fresh in her mind. She wonders what Amethyst would say. “You got it bad”, probably. _I suppose I do..._ she thought.

_

 

After a fairly uncomfortable dress rehearsal with Lapis, (every look she receives seems to mean something different, and she doesn't understand any of it) Pearl is happy to find Amethyst on the couch, reading a book. Her dark, long hair cascades over the leg of the couch, almost touching the floor. “Hiya,” she says when the door opens.

“Hi. How was your day?”

“It was okay, I guess. I'm just so tired of this cycle of working and earning money so we can pay the bills and the mortgage, I just...never get anything out of it. Nothing exciting ever happens to me, and when I think something good is gonna happen, I fuck it up.”

Taken aback, Pearl simply nodded. “Sorry, I guess I...I dunno what I did.”

“It's okay. I'm glad you're, er, talking.”

Amethyst laughs. “Yeah, me, too. So, what's on your mind, P? Let it all out.”

“Oh, it's too much of a mess--scoot over,” she nudges her over on the couch. “Too much of a mess to really...sort all out.”

“That's okay, too.” They sit in silence, good silence, for a few minutes.

“Rose came into the cafe today.”

“Rose, Greg's girlfriend? That's great! You like Rose, right?”

Pearl twiddles her thumbs awkwardly. “Yes, she seems very nice.”  
“No. I mean, you _liiike_ Rose, right?” her friend nudges her.

“Amethyst! She has a boyfriend!”

“So? Come on, Pearlie, I can see it. You like her.”

“Pearlie?” she repeats.

“Yeah, it's cute, huh?” Amethyst grins teasingly and nudges her again. Normally Pearl would be annoyed, but she loves that they're talking like this again. That things are almost normal again. “Seriously, do you? You can tell me, I won't tell. I'm a great secret keeper.” “Amethyst, we're not kids, we don't get crushes anymore.”

“Oh come _on,_ you know that's bull. You're too smart to say that.”

Seeing that she isn't giving up, Pearl sighs and begrudgingly admits. “I do like her a little, yes.” The 'little' part isn't true, but she doesn't want to say the truth, which is that she's absolutely head over heels.

Amethyst laughs and continues to torment her. “Knew it, knew it, knew it!” she exclaims. Pearl groans. “Don't be so embarrassed, I don't judge. Anyway, it was _kinda_ obvious.”

“Oh, it is?”

“Maybe not to her, but...I can tell.”

Pearl winces and her brow furrows. “Oh, God.”

“Hey, don't stress. She thinks you're cute.”

“Sh-she does? How do you know?”

“She was constantly complimenting you that time she came over, and she was so giggly...she's usually like that, but _especially_ around you. It's weird.”

“She has Greg.” She brings her knees up to her chest and hugs them. Amethyst takes her hand and squeezes it, which fills Pearl with a certain feeling she can't place her finger on.

“Anything could happen, P.”

-

“Pearl?” Lapis's voice echoes across the dressing room. It's opening night, and they're the only two in there.

“Yes?”

“Can you...lace me up?”

She nods and pads across the room, her pointe shoes in hand. She threads the ribbon through the hooks in her top, which is styled like a corset. Lapis stays silent and still, staring into the mirror. As Pearl glances up at them, she notices that they're different in almost every way. Lapis's soft features contrast Pearl's angular, sharp ones. Lapis has tanned, dark skin from her Hawiian background, and Pearl has powder white, dotted with freckles. Lapis is short, and Pearl is tall. One has very black hair, and one has strawberry blonde. Soon Lapis is making eye contact with Pearl through the mirror, who smiles, a hint of sadness in it. “Thank you,” Lapis says.

“Sure,” a pale hand stays on a dark shoulder.

“Pearl,” she begins and doesn't finish.

“Good luck tonight.” Pearl says and walks away, backstage with the rest of the chorus girls who are excitedly gabbing.

When she steps onstage and begins the routine they had practiced and practiced and practiced, everything melts away. She focuses only on her body and her dance and the music, coursing through her. She doesn't think of anything else for three hours, even when she's backstage. She likes this feeling - pure concentration, the kind that makes her feet ache. It allows for no distractions.

When she comes out with the rest of the chorus for the bows, she catches, in the _front row,_ a flash of wild, bright pink hair and a whoop that is undeniably Rose.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheesy cheese cheese okay thanks for reading sorry it wasn't that great i'll post more soon okay bye xo


	4. chapter four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HELLO THIS IS THE SHORTEST CHAPTER IN THE WHOLE WORLD. i'm sorry i've been gone so long, writers block and school are a bad combination! but! i figured a short chapter was better than no chapter and at least i got something done, right? i'll try to be more frequent with updates! thank you all for being so patient!

The dressing room is buzzing. Pearl has never changed so fast, squeezing through the crowd of fellow ballerinas. The lobby's crowd is even worse, but she finds the person she wants to see very quickly. Amethyst wasn't able to come to opening - she had to work - and it left Pearl feeling slightly upset, but Rose's smile when she nearly runs up to her seems to make up for everything. “Pearl!” she exclaims, hugging her so tight and long that she almost lifts her off the ground. “Oooh, you were so good!” she exclaims, giving her a final squeeze and setting her down. “You're so talented! And graceful! I couldn't take my eyes off of you!” she presents her with a bouquet of daises.

Pearl buries her nose in the flowers, unable to keep the smile off her face. She can't think of anything to say besides, “thank you for coming”.

“Oh, anytime!” Rose exclaims, scooping her up in another hug. “I'm sorry I'm just...oh, you're just so good!” Pearl giggles - actually giggles - and hugs Rose back for a few long moments. “I'll walk you out to your car, okay?” she says.

“I actually took the bus here.”

Rose's brow furrows. “I don't want you to take the downtown bus at night, okay? I'll drive you home.”

“Oh, it's fine, don't worry about me--”

“Pearl, please. I will worry if you walk to the bus stop, alone in the dark.”

Seeing that there's no arguing with Rose, Pearl nods. “Alright, Rose. But I owe you.”

“It's no problem,” she says as they exit the theatre and walk out into the cold night air.

“So um...how's Greg?” Pearl asks as they cross the street to the parking lot.

Rose chuckles. “Oh, you know how he is. He's thinking about going on tour; packing up his van and leaving.” Her smile disappears as she says it.

“Really?” Pearl asks, climbing into the passenger seat of Rose's tiny silver car.

She nods. “I...I'm not sure how to feel about it. He said I could come along, but I don't know if I want to. And I feel bad for not wanting to? Because I really do love Greg but...” she starts the car and doesn't say anything for a few moments as they get onto the highway. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rant at you.”

“It's okay,” Pearl says, “I think...I think you should do what you think is best. For you.” She feels like it's awful advice, but Rose nods and smiles faintly.

“Yes, I think so, too. I just don't want to...hurt Greg.”

“If he loves you too, won't he, er, understand you have to do what makes you happy?”

Rose considers this, then nods. “You're right. I don't know why I didn't think of that before.”

“So, you're staying here?”

“Yeah. I've got a good job--I'm a hairdresser--I've met some really nice people, you for example, and...I just want to stay.” she shakes her head. “I've sure talked a lot, I'm sorry.”

“I don't mind you talking. I like it.” Pearl replies.

“You're such a sweetheart, really. But, how have things been going for you?”

“I'm alright.”

“Aren't you always alright?”

Pearl isn't sure what to make of that until she glances to the side and sees Rose's small, questioning smile. “I am.”

“You sure?”

She wishes Rose wouldn't ask so many questions sometimes. “Yes, of course.”

“Of course.” she repeats, and Pearl catches another flash of a smile, this one sort of sad. “You really did do a wonderful job tonight, I hope you know that.”

Pearl thanks her again, and they have lighter conversation on the rest of the way home. When they finally approach her house, she finds herself not wanting to get out of the warm car. She could go on driving with Rose for a very long time. “Thank you for the ride.”

“Any time! Let's get together sometime, okay? I love talking with you.”

Her stomach flips in the way it usually does around Rose. “Yes, let's,” she replies, trying not to stammer.

Rose leans over and kisses her cheek and if her stomach was just flipping, now it's plummeting down from a very high place. Her lipgloss is sticky and she smells like vanilla and strawberries. “Have a good night,” Rose says, and Pearl wonders if she catches a hint of a blush on her cheeks; but it's probably just wishful thinking.

Unable to reply, she nods and smiles, grabbing her daises and stepping out of the car. When she gets in the house, she sinks down onto the couch and buries her face in her hands. She can still smell Rose against her cheek, and mixed with the daises, it's a lovely scent.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that didn't totally suck okay have a good day thanks for reading xoxo


	5. chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i'm being honest it's almost 11 PM and i've barely proofread this. but i wrote more tonight than i have lately and i'm quite proud of myself. this chapter is sort of bland, nothing really exciting? idk. like i said. it's late. i have a french final tomorrow.
> 
> also, with all the sitting around and talking people do in this fic, it feels like a soap opera sometimes. oops. 
> 
> the REAL DRAMA begins in....Scared of Pretty Girls and Starting Conversations, by nerdyscully (i really oughta think of a new title) anyway here we go

Pearl wonders if she’ll ever get enough sleep. Or simply be able to, really. It’s just after lunch rush at the shop and there are a few people scattered here and there, on laptops or sipping coffee and quietly chatting. Tonight’s closing night for  _ Ondine _ and she’s honestly kind of happy about it--maybe once this is all done, she can feel less like...well, less like a mess. A bell rings, and in comes Amethyst and Vidalia. 

“Hey, P!” Amethyst exclaims. 

“Hello, you two. Are you on break?”

“Yup, we have lunch break an hour later than everyone else because our boss kind of sucks,” Vidalia replies. She carries a heady scent of cigarette smoke and bubblegum. “Anyway, I’m gonna get a bagel and cream cheese.”

Pearl is working on making Vidalia’s bagel and Amethyst’s sandwich, and Vidalia says, while waiting for her order, “I’m coming to your ballet tonight.”

“Oh?” she asks, sliding the plate over to her. She honestly had a hard time seeing the hard-faced, leather-wearing girl going to, or enjoying a ballet. 

She cracks a half-smile. “Yeah. Rose wouldn’t stop raving about it.”

“No,” Pearl immediately says, shaking her head.

“Yeah. She was so excited. It was pretty cute, honestly,” she says. “She likes you a lot.”

She can’t really reply with much other than, “Ah.” 

“See you tonight.” she sits down with Amethyst. Vidalia is nice enough, if a little hard to connect with. She makes Amethyst really happy, and it’s sweet, even if it makes her feel twinges of jealousness. Seeing them deep in conversation, over their lunch, making each other laugh. It’s...well. It is.

* * *

Lapis is pouring over a book. Pear briefly notes, in the back of her mind, that she hasn’t really read anything in months. She glues another fake eyelash on. “How is it we always end up like this?” Lapis asks.

“Huh?”

“Why are we always the only two in here?”

A shrug. “Don’t you have to go on soon?”

“Twenty minutes.”

Silence.

“Can I ask you something?” Lapis asks. Agh. She hates that question. Hates it, hates it, hates it. It makes her stomach knot.

“Well, uh, yes.”

“Are you still mad at me for what I did?”

“What you did? At the beach?”

“Yeah.”

“Er, no. I was never mad at you. I was more mad at myself, to be honest.”

“I was the one who did it, though.”

She’s happy they’re finally talking about this, though she hates the way they are. They’re sort of dancing ( _ hah)  _ around it, and she wishes Lapis would just come out and say “I kissed you”. “Well, yes, you were. But I sort of freaked out.”

Shrug again. “I…” silence again.

“Why’d you kiss me?”

“God, I...I honestly don’t know. I thought something would come of it.”

“Do you like me?” God! What are they, twelve?

“I mean, yeah, but I’m not quite sure how.”

A nod. “I understand. I think I was just overwhelmed. You know, I’ve never...kissed another girl before.” A blush. Damn.

“Oh.” Oh.

“So it was hard for me, because I wasn’t quite sure and I...and I...I don’t know.” 

Lapis seems to notice the distressed tone in her voice. “Hey, Pearl, it’s okay. I honestly just...did something stupid.”

“No. It was nice and all, I just. Couldn’t do it. Maybe I will be able to someday, maybe with you, maybe not with you, but. I couldn’t that day.” She’s so shaky now, and she doesn’t know why.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry.” They finally make eye contact, and the apology is sincere.

“I-I’d like to be your friend, Lapis.” It was probably the lamest thing she could say, but she said it. 

“Yeah? Yeah. Me, too.” she laces up her pointes and makes her way to the door. “Good luck tonight, Pearl.”

“Good luck, Lapis.”

Pearl slumps down in a chair, probably messing her hair. She exhales, and things are sort of okay.

* * *

Vidalia and Amethyst present her with bouquets once the show is done. Vidalia gives her white roses, and Amethyst gives her an arrangement of peonies. They’re especially beautiful--Pearl finds herself quite touched. “Oh, thank you! You didn’t have to.”

“Shut up, P. Of course we didn’t have to. We’re adults, we don’t have to do anything. We just like you a lot.” Amethyst says. It earns a chuckle.

“Well, we have to pay taxes.” Vidalia chimes in.

“Yes, pay taxes and die, as they say. It’s a grim existence.”

Vidalia pops a pink bubble, glancing down at her phone. “I gotta get going, but you were great.”

“We can drive you.” Amethyst offers.

She shakes her head. “Marty’s here.”

“Aw, come on. Marty? Really?” the shorter woman protests.

“He’s not  _ that  _ bad.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.” she grumbles. “See ya, ‘Dalia.”

“Bye Vidalia, thanks for coming.”

“Like I said, you were great. See ya.”

Amethyst looks a little disheartened as they walk to their car. “The flowers really are lovely, Amethyst,” Pearl says in an attempt to lift her spirits. “You picked these out?”

“The peonies, yeah. They just...looked like you.”

“You do know me quite well. I love them.”

There’s a smile. A nice one. “Anytime.”

“So, out of curiosity, who’s Marty?” she asks as they climb into their tiny car. Amethyst cranks the heat up, which she hates, but she keeps quiet about it. For once. 

“Vidalia’s boyfriend, sometimes. They’re on and off. He’s fuckin’ awful. He’s Greg’s manager, I guess. He always gave me a weird vibe. Just, a really weird vibe. He’s older, too. Like, not even in a hot way. He’s just crusty. And I mean, I don’t know why I’m surprised, because Vidalia has always done her own thing and gone out with guys that her parents didn’t like and guys that were older, y’know? But I thought she would listen to me on this one. I thought my opinion, at least, would matter.” Amethyst rattles this all off, then lets out a long exhale. “And maybe I really like her, but that doesn’t even matter. Even if I didn’t, I would tell her to stay the hell away from this guy.”

“Amethyst, you have feelings for her?”

She crosses her arms and curls up in the car chair. “Yeah. I mean. Yeah.”

“I never knew!”

“Yeah. Well, she’s straight, so.”

Pearl always knew Amethyst liked girls; she was very open about it in college, which she always found sort of admirable. She couldn’t imagine being so confident about it herself. “Do you know?”

“All the girls I like are.”

Well, that particular woe was one Pearl had experienced more than once herself. “I’m sorry.” 

“Eh, it’s alright. I don’t want advice or anything, I just needed to get it all off my chest. You’re a really good listener, y’know that? Do you want to rant about something? Just, like, swear and get upset about something? To make it even?”

She shakes her head, laughing. “No, I’m fine.”

“Well, when you do, I’m your girl.” she turns up the radio to the hip-hop and pop station that she likes and Pearl does not like. But she doesn’t even grumble or complain. They just drive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u enjoyed! i know it was short. idk how to write Long Things. i'm so tired oh my god. hopefully the new chapter will be up soon! hopefully.
> 
> xoxo deedee

**Author's Note:**

> next chapter will be up...sometime? not sure when. thanks for reading! xo


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